Of daddies and awkward expression of emotions

Daddy, papa, abba, abbu, pops, pa, daata, sometimes even Chachaji - the many names of fathers given by their loving (sometimes fearing) children. Betu, Gudiya, Sona, Pari or Aanchu (in our case) - the names that daddies give to their little princesses. While the father-son bond is quite easy and natural, the father-daughter bond is quite unique. Yes! That’s how it can be best expressed - unique. And though much is said and written about this bond, am penning a few thoughts here as I see it through my eyes.

With a son, the dad knows just where the line is to be drawn as dad too was once a young lad (ok ok, my apologies - they always remain young-at-heart lads!!) but with daughters our beloved daddies are kinda lost. They want the lil girl to be all tough and strong but then are afraid of letting her free to explore the world around. They want to be around their babies all the time. Will share a few instances of this awkwardness with which these cutie pies deal with their daughters.

Instance 1 - She falls in the play ground, bruises her knees badly and comes home crying. Daddy looks at her, melts away in the heart but scolds her nonetheless , not for falling, but for crying. Cleanses the bruise, puts a bandaid and sends her off again to the park to play without the mollycoddling that a young girl needs. The park here can be replaced by skating, cycling, basketball or any other outdoor activity. This, my friends is a rare occasion though because usually daddies, parks, playtimes - all these things happen in different time zones.

Instance 2 - First day of new school (whatever class she is in, she still is in school). The daddy has indigestion problems in the morning, and skips his gym session. Now that he has skipped the gym, might as well walk the daughter to the bus stop, (really, and you want us to believe that indigestion theory??). In our case, the little one had to be put in a private van because the school buses did not ply in the area we resided in. And the poor van driver, am sure he is used to it now, was chased by a train of daddy-driven cars all the way to the school!

Instance 3 - She asks for something from the market, and he retorts with a NO. You know, you can’t always give in and say yes, you don’t want to spoil your child, right? But then, two days later, two of the same things arrive home. Explanation - I said NO when she asked for it, now “I” want to give it to her.

Instance 4 - A classmate of your teenaged daughter comes home to (study together, watch a movie together, just hang out - pick one) and he happens to be a boy(!). The dad would keep staring at the young fellow till the shy young adult decides not to come to this house on weekends. Once he leaves, dad would casually ask - kyon aaya tha? - Cmon, go ahead, ask as many questions - we can see there’s a lot going on in your mind right now :) 

Then there are some dads, like mine was, who would befriend these boy classmates and would sit and chat with them - first while waiting for you, then even after you have descended on the planet from the paradise of your room. Later, these chat sessions rather become a coffee session with the friends and daddy, mummy might join in sometimes to enhance the embarrassment the little girl is already facing.

Instance 5 - Now this is not an instance, this is a continuous phenomenon - things, puppies, kittens, notebooks, books, gadgets, toys, shoes, dresses, knick knacks keep pouring in with the same explanation - She does not want it, I want to get it to her.

There are a million more such instances that come to my mind now but one thing that remains constant through them all is the watchful eye of daddy over his little girl. While mothers are said to be closer to their daughters, it is actually the fathers who are more popular among their princesses but for obvious reasons. While the mothers are the disciplinarians, fathers are the pamperers. Mothers are busy feeding health food, daddy would treat her with all the chocolates and candies. Mothers will tell her to clean up, daddies will playfully stack the toys or dust the table. Mothers would ask her to wear a longer skirt and daddies will always comment - achha toh dikh raha hai. These loveable dads do all the running arounds for school / college admissions, will make transport arrangements and will buy her the “smart” phone while the mother insists on giving her a basic phone only. 

When the wife calls the hubby while he is at work, pat comes the reply “anything urgent or can I call you later?” But the same “busy” husband will never fail to check on his daughter’s return from college - College, not school because now, she is independent and uses public transport. 

They worry, they pamper, they love, they give, they sacrifice, they provide, they teach, they play, they perform, they sing and they dance to her tunes. In all of this, one thing he never waivers from is being a pillar of strength and support to her. No wonder they say that a father is a son’s first hero and a daughter’s first love!